What is important to you about the story of my spiritual journey…
Almost a decade ago, I came to my first experience in spiritual hypnosis quite unprepared, that is I only had a few questions, primarily about my mission, my purpose, otherwise my journey was largely unplanned and I only had a general idea of what is going to happen. Even though by that time I read the books by Michael Newton, and craved an experience I read about, I knew that I could not have other people’s experience.
As a professional hypnotist, I knew that preparation is key. Today, I recognize that there is a fine line between some preparation that is necessary and a level of personal preparedness that makes a difference between a good experience and an amazing journey. When I lead my clients to their experience, each time it is fascinatingly different, deeply emotional, transformational and educational.
My first spiritual regression happened to be a profound experience of transpersonal hypnotic awareness that changed my life, and my career.
My facilitator began with her gentle leading me into the deep profound state of hypnosis. I easily drifted off into a pleasant relaxed state.
The experience went on with my constant oscillation between conscious thought and curiosity to find out more. I quickly realized that in order for me to have the experience I want, which is the information I was seeking from my higher awareness, I needed to give up my constant mental chatter, internal questioning and judgement and let go of the trying to understand how things happen.
When I made that decision I dropped into a deepest trance immediately. I quickly began to have physical sensations of weightlessness and floating in my body, when suddenly I had a curious vision.
My body still felt that amazing floating sensation, I am participating in a series of moving pictures, watching the action from the inside of myself, with full ability to see the parts of my body in active motion, moving around, changing positions and hearing my voice speaking with someone very familiar, whom I saw very clearly nearby, although on the physical plane I was motionless and quiet.
I began to recognize figures in front of me. As it came to me, I stood before an auditorium of 9 people, who looked like old men, all uniformly wearing white long belted gowns, and were sitting behind a long semi-circular table. Although I was in a place with no floor, no walls, and no ceiling, there was a sensation of standing. There was a very bright light and I experienced pleasant sensations of peace and love.
For a moment, a thought came, “Neah, I am imagining this,” and then immediately, as if someone was answering this for me saying, “Ok, well done, see what else you can experience, be curious, go on!” as I brought my attention back to the cloud scene for more experience. It felt that strangely and unusually, I had no question in my mind about what it all means… while drifting off again into this picture…. and that I already know all the answers to all the questions I was about to ask…
I felt loved, nurtured, safe, secure, and comforted. I looked at those old people and noticed the man in the middle, standing. He seemed chubby and funny, although he had authoritative presence.
The man gave me a wink and a smile. (I heard of the angelic sense of humor before, yet I felt my eyebrows going up in surprise). As he was putting on his glasses (earthly influence!!) he looked through his papers (!) and then, looking at me above the glasses, he said: “You are doing good. Bringing good. Good!”
There was nothing patronizing in his comment, or the tone of voice. I felt elated.
In fact, in that moment I felt really proud to be assessed as doing well. “Wow, they ARE real!” I thought with my omnipresent conscious mind.
I then thought: “Here I am in front of the …Elders”. Finally, I stood in front of the cleverest wisest spirit representation in the Universe, the Collective Unconscious, the bank of Universal Information, Cosmos… I did want this, didn’t I? But for what?… Wait…Questions-answers….What did I want to ask here?… Oh, yes…. The Question: What is my purpose?… Although in that moment, it sounded sort of flat and irrelevant. I noticed that I was very deeply happy to just stand there experiencing this peace and love, and feeling safe in doing my best.
“Purpose?” He said, “Here”…..
I began to experience a multitude of sensations oscillating anywhere between feeling accomplished in my serving others, feeling peaceful in my heart, feeling free with no thoughts, and no worries, loving, sympathizing with all others, and the rest of the world, ready to be giving myself to further service to others, teaching them skills I know are important, so they can fulfill themselves, and to share all that I know, sort of like that what I did back in my youth years with my friends, when we all gathered for dinners at my parents’ house on a moment’s notice, stayed over in each others houses on random nights, and shared money and clothes, to the dismay of my mother, who complained about my readiness to give myself away to people.
Right now I felt so much love for my mother, forgiving her, with enormous gratitude, as the bright light became even brighter, and I felt a sense of my importance in this letting go of my past and making helping others my profession. I felt the sense of responsibility that I am about to commit to something really big. It seemed as if it were an enormous sense of high responsibility, responsibility for all that I do, think, say, and even the way I breathe…..
The enormity of the experience was thrilling, and scary at the same time. I was thrilled that I was chosen for such high responsibility and then I became more scared then thrilled with adopting this responsibility. It seemed like a huge task that I thought that they made a mistake. ONE PERSON CANNOT TAKE ALL THIS RESPONSIBILITY.
Yes, for sure, I certainly could not have been chosen for this task with this enormous responsibility. I am just a fragile girl…
I felt I had to stop this mistake right now. It became a very important issue for me now. And I screamed: “Wait! Stop! I can’t! I don’t want it! Take it away! It’s not for me!” I cried and begged to take it back and EXCHANGE it for me!
Take it back and give me another, a couple of sizes smaller, like you would exchange clothes in a store. It seemed simple to do that, but NOT the right thing to do. All I realized that I definitely did not want my mission.
As soon as I thought that thought: “Take is back!” – peace, silence and pause-to-slow motion suspended animation immediately came upon me. Silence rang in my ears. I felt myself immediately suspended in a floating state, accompanied by the strange freeing sensation of unreasonable happiness, almost silly giddy laughter, and vacuum of peaceful loving sensation around me. I was basking in love. The only sensation filled this vacuum was suspended peace and happiness.
I basked in this happy state and I was quite aware of the silence in the room at that point. I knew that my facilitator just waited for me to make the next move and that the whole roomful of elderly figures sitting on the cloud in front of me, on some other plain, also waited.
Meanwhile, I hung in that space of happiness and enjoyed myself. I never felt so good before. This was better than any sensation I know on a human plane. I thought to myself that THIS is the ultimate enlightenment…. yes, this is what I want. This…is…what…I…want….
I felt the warm sensation on my cheeks. They were wet and tingly. Tears, I thought, why? Tears steamed down my cheeks but I did not feel sad. The sensation of warmth pulsing inside me produced tears. It accompanied unconditional peace, love and light, weightlessness and bright light around me.
I finally felt in all fullness how much I am loved, I felt so loved. Finally I realized that I am loved for being me, not because I did something awesome, or deserved it in any way, but because I am alive. I felt a part of everything around me and at the same time I was part of all that there is.
At the same time on the physical plane, I definitely felt a floating sensation of peace, settling to rest, in my entire body. It felt so good, I never felt so peaceful and still, and at the same time moving in space. In front of me I saw nothing more than just colors of red and purple, yellow and white in movement. I also felt movement, as if I was passing through an enormous mileage of space in no time, and at the same time, standing still. Yes, it was peaceful, quiet, and silent. I worried about nothing…. I don’t have to worry about anything anymore….. I thought, I would like to stay here forever….. Such love… I never had love of such high grade before in my earthly life. I felt at home and at peace.
Resolved, complete. Satisfied. Settled.
I felt that I am just a little speck of dust. Dust. Star-dust.
Yet, an important speck of dust. Star material. Part of what the universe is made of.
I could move my finger and the rest of the Universe would respond by moving some part of it too. I could say a word, and the rest of the Universe would respond by creating something else, new, that gives life to something else, in another form, and this begins an endless process of creating life.
I create life.
I am part of God. I am God.
I began to want to create more life.
I felt so important in the process of creating that without me, there would be no particular creation, and I must do what it takes to fulfill what I must, so there would be the creation that needs to be there, because I am alive.
I had no idea how much time passed while I was having this experience. Must have been a lot. On the other hand, time means nothing where I am right now, so I have no idea, how much time there was on Earth. I thought, perhaps ten or even twenty or thirty minutes of our earthly time.
I went back to hanging in happiness. Suddenly it wasn’t so great any more. There is nothing to do, nothing to strive for, there in this continuous happy state, in the heightened pleasure to the highest level of light possible. It was like a continuous mechanically repeated culmination that was replayed and lasted, and lasted, and lasted….. I realized that this happiness had no purpose, no source, no mission, no creativity, just one continuous same, almost exhausting, emptying feeling of culmination, with no resolution, nothingness as a state. I thought, after a while it felt like I was dead, that if I am here, I will be soon forgotten and I haven’t done anything yet to be remembered by. Well, what is my legacy, I asked? What legacy? There is nothing to do, you are already at peace, was the answer. I may as well be dead.
My mind was ever so free. I have not thought. I am so powerful.
Powerful in what? Doing nothing? Some power!
Powerful in nothing.
It still felt good but no longer exciting.
My physical body was getting tired of being still. I was beginning to feel my body trying to move to change position.
I was debating within my mind. As if two sides of me were struggling to find resolution to what to do next.
Just being up there does not count, you gotta fulfill yourself, live your life, be what you can be!
Couldn’t I do it from here?
What can you do from there? You can’t do your mission, you can’t do your life, or giving to others… Just hanging out there without a mission, is this what you want?
Yes. – It was still a very powerful and desirable sensation.
I was peaceful for a few more moments. Then a thought came again.
I was beginning to feel fed up with this pointless happy sensation of hanging there without any purpose, particularly that stuff needed to be done on Earth. People are waiting for me. Life needs to go on. I wanted my life to go on. I began to feel that I need to get back to start doing what I need to be doing what I loved to be doing, but then I was suspended in this slow-motion happiness, that lingered, like a gooey thick blob enveloping me in its pleasurable sensations, and wasn’t letting me go, and although it felt great, I was getting ready to move on.
I felt as if waking up like a sleeping Beauty to the reality of life around me. And in the same instant I felt that I cannot come back to Earth without a mission.
Now I am reminded, I am still WITHOUT A MISSION. I knew that much, without a mission one does not have any purpose on Earth. We come here to fulfill our tasks, sometimes more difficult than others, we are here to learn lessons, experience emotions, go through our life, in our physical body, living our life, to its fullest, but we ALL HAVE TO HAVE a mission. I felt it in my body now. I got to have my mission… back.
And even more importantly, suddenly I realized that I was the only one who could fulfill this mission because I was the one who chose my own mission, this task on Earth that I now have to commit to fulfill.
My mission is so important that if I don’t take it, no one could do my part!
In that moment it became important to me that I get my mission back.
So after a moment of hesitation, I humbly asked for my mission to be returned to me.
I spoke to the elders, “Ok, give it back to me!”
So what do you think happened next?
I felt like a truck-load came down on me: the responsibility was heavily dumped onto me, and my body immediately felt so heavy, physically pressed into the surface, and, I felt that by bones are crushing under their own weight, and that I am so never going to be able to feel light again, but you know what?
I felt so happy to have my mission back, now it was mine! Now I was ready to do it! It felt precious to me now and not scary at all…. My eyes were tearing once again as I felt this amazing experience.
What can be more important than knowing and accepting your mission?….
…When I opened my eyes the first word I said was “Wow!”
And for a while it was the only word I could utter.
Now, years later, if I hear a client say “Wow” upon opening their eyes, I know they had an experience worth writing home about.